So it has been a long time since I wrote on the blog.  Some difficult experiences over the past year left me winded, sucking for air, and without extra words.  But now, through the grace of the Savior, the gasping is giving way to slow, even breaths again, and the color is returning to my cheeks.

This is a good place to be, but I'm starting to look back at the dark time as good, too.  While we were going through the experience, I read The God I Love by Joni Erickson Tada.  She relates her own life, full of suffering, but full of joy that has come as a direct result of the faithfulness of God through that suffering.  One line stands out as she relates her faith in the God who not only walked her through her suffering, but orchestrated it for her joy.  She says that God does what he hates (allows our suffering) to accomplish what He loves (his glory and our joy).  Strong words.  

But I clung to those words as I walked through the valley, knowing that God wasn't wringing His hands in despair (as I was!).  I was walking a bit of the Calvary road, and even though God did not delight in my suffering, He does delight in His children and in giving them fulness of joy, and in leading them to deeper fellowship with Christ as they walk the road Christ walked.

So in His kind providence, God has taken me out of that place of suffering, but I am only at the beginning of learning from that experience.  It is morning, and joy has come, but the weeping still lingers, at times the breathing still comes in ragged puffs.  But I anticipate the Breath of Life continuing His resuscitating efforts in the future as I look back on His faithfulness to me in my suffering, and as I look back to His faithfulness to all His people throughout all generations.  How great is our God.

Happy Thanksgiving!

To our family- we love and miss you very much!

My Josh

Happy Baby

Scott with the boys in Jamestown

Ferry ride from Hattaras Island to Ocracoke

Mom and the kids at the Ocracoke Lighthouse

The boys with some lego creations

Today is Scott's day off, so we are going to spend the day resting, playing and finishing our shopping for our Thanksgiving feast.  I've got Christmas music playing and all four kids are here with me in the playroom, singing along and playing.  It's nice.  And rare.

Over the past couple of months, we've experienced a few traumas that have left me a bit speechless... hence the long absence from the blog.  My words have been directed up to the Lord who sees and knows, my sweet husband, and a few close friends.  

I don't have a sense of quickly coming out of this period of difficulty, but I do have a clear sense of being carried by arms stronger than my own.  The fact that God has sovereignly, perfectly planned all my days, both good and bad, for His glory and for my joy, gives me peace and even a sense of anticipation for may lie ahead.

This is not to say that I don't wish I could snap my fingers and make everything in my world ok.  I do.  But at the same time, I am grateful that Someone wiser than me planned all this.  And He loves me.  This is good news.

I told Scott last night this is such a strange mixture of feelings.  Deep pain and deep peace, and even joy.  Wanting it all to go away with all my heart and yet knowing it won't go away and that it will be okay.  I'm going to guess that this is a little of what Paul was saying when he said he had learned to be content in all circumstances.  I'm not there yet, but I am starting to see glimmers of that seemingly impossible possibility.  

Trip to Raleigh

We recently made a trip to Raleigh.  Scott was attending class in Wake Forest, so the rest of us rode with him and stayed with my brother Tommy and his wife Melannie.  Here's a few photos:

Check out Tommy and Jared.  Jared and Caroline are the same age.  We visited Pullen Park and rode the train.  

We also went to the North Caroline Museum of Natural Sciences (or something like that).  This is one of our kid's favorites.  Here is me with our kids and Jared.  I got more than one comment about the size of our family.  Check out Josh.  He just can't handle taking a normal picture.  

Uncle Scott shows Jared the fishies in the tank.

We had a great time with Tommy and Melannie!  I am thankful for where we are, but trips like this make me sad to live so far away from family, especially since Tommy and Melannie are not only family, but our good friends.

Hi everyone

Outside it is turning cooler. This time of year is lovely, but it does hearken at even cooler days to come, which I would love to speed right through into Spring. My kids are outside for hours every afternoon, and I almost hate to call them in for quiet time or reading time. Some days I don't, and just let them revel in being little kids on a crisp fall day. Right now they (my boys) are playing Indiana Jones, complete with whips and ropes and hats and brown clothes. My girls are taking a nap in their room recharging for the afternoon and the evening when Dad will be home and we can enjoy our evening meal together.

This has been a precious time in my spiritual life... as days pass, trials come, seasons change, the Lord has been gracious to draw me close, teach me to trust Him, shown me his love and mercy once again. How great is our God.

What happens when your 7 year old gets ahold of your camera

Happy Birthday, sweet Caroline

WFMW: Homeschool help!

So as my previous post explained, we just started back to school this week.  I have four children, ages 7 (2nd grade), 5 (K), 3, (pre-K), and 1.  

I know homeschooling moms are supposed to have it all together- breastfeeding babies while simultaneously teaching trig to high schoolers, growing a garden and canning the surplus produce for the days ahead, keeping tidy houses with cheerful front porches complete with clean white rocking chairs and freshly planted seasonal flowers, baking fresh bread, drilling spelling bee champs and math wizards all the while sewing pretty dresses with matching hair ribbons for the daughters they are training to one day do all this themselves in their own homes.  But not this momma.

Here's my dilemma:  How do I manage homeschooling two children, doing preschool with one more and occupying an almost toddler?  My school-age children still need me to do most of the instructing one-on-one.  (We haven't reached the, 'here's your grammar work book- go at it' stage.)  Today we got through math, and most of language arts before lunch.  My oldest still has some reading and writing to do this afternoon during quiet time.  

Sounds good, right?  But I didn't do any science, and can't even dream about how to fit in any preschool stuff for my three year old.  She sat at the table and colored for a few minutes and sorted counting pigs for fun, but no shapes, colors, letters, or instruction of that sort going on.

And then there's basic things like vacuuming the floors and keeping the bathrooms mold-free.  Our family understandably appreciates semi-clean toilets and sinks.   

I'm not overwhelmed- the  grace of God and constant cheering from my husband have sustained my joy and I'm so thankful for that!  I'm just wondering if there is some wise counsel from other moms who have been here or who are here.

So, please help!  In my previous post, I asked for other moms to share their schedules, and  I'll still do a separate post on that.  But for now, please, please, would you share any suggestions and practical advice on how to juggle all this and effectively teach my kids everything they need to know?  Thanks!

Time for school

Today was our first day of school here at the Ellison house, and I'm excited about the upcoming school year.  This year will be a transitional year for me- I have a baby (who won't be a baby for much longer!) and will be formally homeschooling two children- Josh in Kindergarten and Carter is 2nd grade.  And of course, Sophie will be here doing preschool.

Needless to say, we will be busy and I do not feel fully equipped to juggle all of this... so I'm asking for a little help from my friends.   I would love for some of you to write about your daily schedule and how you manage your homes from day to day.  I know not all of my friends homeschool and not all of them are stay at home moms, but I think we could each really learn from each other and be encouraged at the same time.

Now, this is not supposed to be a venue to impress each other- I'm not looking for perfected, rigid schedules.  Actually, it would be especially helpful if we could share some things that don't work in our schedules.   

Just like with the quiet time post, I'm hoping there will be a good bit of variety.  So how about it?  Who wants to go first?  Post a comment or email me (if the comment section would be inadequate- my email address is in my profile) and let me know how things work around your house!

Here' s what I'm looking for:

How many children?  Ages?

School aged?

If no, how do you manage your day with preschoolers? (this was an enormous challenge for me!)

Do you homeschool?

If no, give me how your morning routine flows in getting everyone dressed/fed/out the door, and evening routine for dinner/homework/baths/bedtime

If yes, grade levels of children and how you multi-task/teach multiple grade levels?  And what about those preschoolers???

State of confusion

I'm a bit confused about what to think about Sarah Palin's nomination for VP.  I think her position on key issues is right on.  I admire her courage to stand up for what is right, even when her own political party becomes her foe in a particular situation.  I think her character, by all outward signs, is strong and virtuous.  Politically speaking, I think her candidacy is right on.  I'm sure our family will be casting our vote for the McCain/Palin ticket.

So here's my dilemna:  What about her kids?  Sarah Palin is strongly pro-life, which for me is a deal-breaker (if a candidate is not pro-life I cannot vote for them... this belief is a cornerstone belief of our culture and society).  In order to faithfully fulfill the commitment involved in being a Vice-President (or possibly the President, although very unlikely), she will have to essentially give up raising her children.  This seems a bit contradictory.  Yes, her husband can step in.  So can other supportive family members.  But those children only have one mother.  Will they be grateful to give up their mother to 'the cause'?  

Others have written about Palin being equated with Deborah of the Old Testament.  This seems quite out of context.  I've also read warm thoughts about the Kennedy children playing under their Daddy's desk in the Oval Office.  But he was a dad, not a mother, and the roles are very different.  

Am I holding Sarah Palin up to my own convictions instead of allowing her to live out her own life under God?  

Am I wrong to see the contradiction in being pro-life and then leaving your children for a high-profile job that will require your heart and soul to accomplish?

Am I being a bit melodramatic to equate her taking this position with 'giving up raising her children'?

What do you think?  Set me straight.

The best chicken enchiladas ever, I promise

So here is one of our favorite recipes here at our house.  I got the original from Tyler (family food network favorite!), but I've adapted it for our family.  Try it, you'll like it.  I have a few more insider tips at the bottom of the recipe.

Please don't let the long list of ingredients keep you from trying this. They can all be found at most grocery stores and they are very inexpensive.  This recipe is:

• Economical
  
• Low in fat
  
• Freezable

What more could you want?

(None of these amounts are precise)

3 T vegetable oil

1 1/2 lbs bonless, skinless chicken breast I sometimes use more

salt and pepper

3-4 T Adobo or other mexican seasoning with cumin (measurement not necessary, you'll just be sprinkling chicken with this as it cooks)

1 onion, chopped can use red or white or whatever you have

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 small can chopped green chiles you can also use whole canned chiles and just chop them

1/4 canned chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, seeded and minced careful here- canned chipotles vary in their heat.  I've had some be very hot, others not as much.  Add them slowly and taste as you go.  You can also save the adobo sauce for adding a little to the sauce- so good!

1 28 can tomatoes- can use any canned tomatoes.  These will be part of the sauce that goes in the food processor, so it doesn't really matter if they are chopped, whole, have onion in them or are just plain.

a little flour

lots of corn tortillas- at least 16, but I just buy a large package at the store so I have plenty

1-2 large cans of enchilada sauce, or 1 large can.  Buy a couple extra just to have on hand

2 C shredded cheese- cheddar or jack or both

OK, now the fun part.  I love cooking this recipe.

Coat large saute pan with oil.  Season chicken with salt and pepper and mexican seasoning.  Brown until no longer pink inside.  Remove chicken from pan and let it cool.

Saute onion and garlic in chicken drippings until tender.  Add the onion first and let it go for a few minutes on medium low before adding garlic, as garlic will cook much faster.

Now add both green and chipotle chiles.  Stir.  Then add tomatoes and let the sauce all come together for a few minutes.  

After combined, I put my sauce in the food processor so it is not chunky.  It's not smooth like a puree, but I don't want chunks of onion and tomato in there.  After I've let it go for a few seconds in the food processor, I just put it right back in the pan on low.

While the sauce becomes so yummy you won't believe it, shred the cooked chicken breasts apart.  Take a taste, then add shredded chicken to saute pan and combine with sauce.  Dust with a little flour to keep it from being runny in your enchiladas.  We don't want runny enchiladas.

Microwave the tortillas for 30 seconds.  This takes the stiffness away and makes them soft like butter in your hands.  I microwave mine about 8 at a time so they don't have a chance to get stiff while I roll the enchiladas.  

Spray two 9x13 pans with Pam, then ladle enchilada sauce into the bottom of each pan.  Kind of like when you make lasagne- not too much sauce, though. Don't think puddles, just a light coating.  

Now I make a little assembly line- my plate of warm tortillas, a shallow dish of enchilada sauce, and a large amount of the chicken mixture in another bowl.  Prepare to get a little messy.  Dip each tortillas in enchilada sauce.  Then spoon some of the chicken mixture- not too much or you won't be able to roll the enchilada- in each tortilla and roll them up. You'll have to pause and heat the tortillas in batches. Place the enchiladas seam side down in the pans.  It may take a few to get the hang of it, but you are going to cover all this with cheese, so don't worry about perfection.  Cheese covers a multitude of cooking sins.

Once the pans are full of yummy enchiladas (my pans hold at least 10 enchiladas each- really more like 12-14), all you have to do is cover them with cheese and bake for 15 minutes or until the cheese melts.  I freeze one pan, and the other pan feeds our family of six with plenty of leftovers.  

This reheats very well, so you could make it a day ahead with no problem- just leave off the cheese the first time you bake it and add the cheese when you reheat the dish in the oven.

I usually serve this with black beans and yellow rice.  A green salad would be good, too.  Sour cream is a must.  

A few suggestions:

If you have extra chicken (in the sauce), it is great in quesadillas for lunch.

If at all possible, get your corn tortillas from a Mexican/Hispanic grocery.  These are becoming more and more common.  You can also find the chiles and enchilada sauce there as well.  I am not one to make a special stop for specialty groceries, but the Mexican grocery is in the same shopping center as our main grocery, so this works for me with very little hassle.  I would be willing to drive to a Mexican/Hispanic grocery, though.  You just won't believe the difference in the tortillas. 

But you can get all these ingredients at regular grocery stores as well, and these enchilada will still be really good with Pepito tortillas.

A day at the park

Sisters share a laugh (gotta love Caroline's hair!)

The boys take a walk with Daddy down to the lighthouse.

Brothers catch a few winks in a hammock.  All that playing was hard work.

Have some photos

Some of you only visit this blog for photos of my kids.  You know who you are.  Here you go:

Caroline shows some love to her cousin Jared.  They are only six weeks apart.  It's been so much fun to be pregnant and then a mom of a baby alongside my sister-in-law.  Isn't my nephew cute?

Josh coaches Sophie on the finer points of bike riding.  He lent her his old bike and even his helmet.  I'm seeing a pink bike with tassles and a Barbie helmet being necessary in the near future.

Brothers in motion at the beach 

More brother time at the Wright Brother's museum in Kitty Hawk.  Dad took them on an apparently very serious field trip.  Check out Josh's signature shirt tuck technique.

Uncle Bobby came for a short Fourth of July visit.  

Stay tuned- there are more where these came from.

Motherhood and quiet times

It seems like most mommies struggle with how and when to spend time alone with the Lord.  From your responses to this post, some of you find this time indispensable, some incorporate their own time with God with their children and there are those of us who struggle along for a long time before we find our groove.

Before I got married, it was my habit to spend an hour each morning reading my Bible and praying.  I used a vigorous Bible reading plan which led you through ten chapters a day from different books of the Bible.  

I loved doing this and I learned a lot, but I have to admit that I came to depend on this time to gauge my spiritual fitness.  You know, my day was 'good' if I had my quiet time and 'bad' if I didn't.  I was on good terms with God if I'd read my chapters and prayed, but if I hadn't started my day off this way, I didn't feel comfortable addressing the Lord for the rest of the day.

This 'make it or break it' attitude was based on my pride.  I was trusting in my accomplishments to earn God's favor or at least to earn my prayers being heard.  My husband helped me with this tremendously.  He reminds me of the truth that my quiet times didn't make God happy with me.  God is happy and satisfied in Christ Jesus and Jesus' perfect, Law-keeping sinless life and Jesus' death on my behalf.

So now I value my time with the Lord.  Jesus set an example for us when he met with the Father early in the morning.  God ministers the Word to me, reminding me of the gospel and I find strength and grace and hope before the Lord.  When I pray and read the Bible, I grow in my faith.  In no way do I want to take away from the importance of time with God.  

But we must understand that our quiet times don't make or break our relationship with God.  There are times, like when we have infants and toddlers, when we may need to take what we can get, and what we can get is seldom time alone to even visit the bathroom.  During times like this, take heart that God knows your needs.  He knows just where you are, and he looks at our hearts, not our schedules. 

If laziness is a problem in your life, by the grace of God ask for his help and your husband's accountability.  If you stay up too late to get up early, then seek change in this area.  But if you are exhausted because you have three children under three or your children are sick or you have a nursing baby who needs you through the night- take heart and trust God during this time.  

The Lord continues to keep me humble in this area- my kids will inevitably get up before me.  Or we'll have a really bad night right when I have scheduled to get up extra early.  Or I'll get a migraine.  You catch the drift.

So let's encourage each other to trust in Christ, use the time we have wisely and draw near to God any time of day or night.  Grab a minute to meditate on the Word while you are nursing the baby.  Give thanks to God for his provision while you cook dinner.  Pray with your kids as you put them to bed.  Put on a praise CD while you run errands.  Take the moments that you have and ask God for the strength and wisdom to find more time to meet with Him.  He delights in answering those prayers and you will be delighted when he does.

Thanks, everyone...

for all your responses to my quiet time question. I promise more discussion on that- the post has already been written- but I have a sick husband and I'm a little distracted.  Scott has some kind of crazy infection or some mystery ailment and is on a heavy antibiotic that is making him pretty sick.

I'm taking care of him by sitting next to him on the couch and watching tv and reading good books.  It's been hard, but I'm just glad to serve him.  Really, though, thanks for responding and we'll have a good talk about that soon!

Of course, we hope that this sickness is nothing serious and will pass quickly, but please pray for Scott's doctors that they will have wisdom to figure out what is going on with him.  Pray for us that we will treasure Christ more and we will put our hope in God.  Thanks, my friends!

Burdens and blogging and the gospel

Not a lot of posting going on this week, and I started to get really burdened by the empty 'new post' page in my mind.  I don't want my blog to become my burden, but an encouraging outlet to stay in touch with my friends and family and to share what God is doing here at our house.  

My sinful heart loves to take a good gift from God (like homeschooling, raising my children, keeping my home, making good food, blogging, and the list goes on) and turn it into a burden.  I am naturally drawn to laws and rules, and that is a problem because I can't keep laws and rules very well for very long.  That is why I needed a Savior.

What does that have to do with blogging?  Well, it goes something like this:  Blogging is good and fun and one of God's good gifts.  I have no commitment to blog. But now that I've started, I feel burdened if I don't post three times a week with thoughtful, funny or wise posts.  I can be having a good week busily serving my family with mopped floors, cared-for children, carefully planned meals- but the blog is neglected, so I'll worry about that!  

And if it wasn't the blog, it would be something else- you know, so you vacuumed the floors, but you didn't move the couch to vacuum underneath.  The laundry is caught up, but you didn't organize the closet.  Dinner is ready, but you only made one vegetable instead of two.  The kids are all bathed and well dressed, but Sophie's hair needs to be trimmed.

The heart and core of all of this is that I trust in my accomplishments and good works for peace with myself and (much more disastrously) peace with God.  But only Jesus lived a perfect life, always accomplishing the will of the Father.  When I dwell on the guilt of the undone task or the unwritten blog post, I am full of pride of the 'just maybe I could do all this and then all would be well.'  

And that is prideful.  And God opposes the proud.  But God gives grace to the humble. 

So my hope and prayer is that, by the grace of God alone, I would put to death this manifestation of pride in my life and start to cultivate humility.  That when the guilt comes and the voice of sin starts in, I would remember the gospel again- Jesus, God the Son, lived the perfect life that I could not live, kept the law that I have broken by my very nature. He died a cruel death, receiving the full wrath of God that should be directed at my sin so that instead God directs his grace and love toward me the sinner.  The Son took the place of the sinner so that the sinner could be received as a son.  (in my case, as a daughter)

Take a minute to soak in this truth, found in Romans 3: But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe.  For there is no distinction:  for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith... It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

There's not a lot I can add to Paul's words.  Let's be encouraged to remind ourselves of the gospel, talk to ourselves about the gospel, and preach the gospel to ourselves.  In this way we will protect our minds and hearts from being carried away into untruth, despair and sin.

 

It's late Sunday night,

and I can't sleep.  This is kind of funny because I've been exhausted since after lunch and now that I have the chance I can't sleep.  I thought I'd write out a few of the thoughts that are floating in my head and keeping me up.

We had a great VBS this past week.  We had over 50 kids which is great considering we have a small church and we live on a small island.  The gospel was clearly presented to these children, and we are praying that God will grow these gospel seeds in his time and draw these children to himself.

Once again, Lifeway did a fantastic job of offering a dynamic curriculum with all the bells and whistles.  

And, once again, Lifeway completely disappointed with a feel good gospel (I know what you are thinking- isn't the gospel supposed to make us feel good? well, yes, no, kind of- it's late) and lack of correct doctrine.  I hope to write more about that soon, but don't want to come across as super critical or cranky.  But I tend to be super critical and cranky about these things, especially stuff like the song that said something about Jesus saving us so that we could 'be a winner.'

On a much lighter and more pleasant note, my oldest son will turn 7 this week!  This is a great time for our family to celebrate God's goodness to us in giving us Carter.  Being the oldest son to two intense, semi-controlling-but-trying-not-to-be-by-God's-grace parents has its challenges, but Carter is an incredible blessing to our family in spite of his parent's (especially his mom's) shortcomings.  We are really looking forward to celebrating his birthday.

And, before I again get too tired to type, I just have to take a minute and tell you about the incredible man I am married to.  I was reminded again this week that I am a woman who has been given a amazing gift of a husband.  This man leads me in God's Word, reminds me of the gospel when I'm wallering in my sin, reads chapter books to our children before bed and then poetry to them after the lights are out.  He makes up incredible stories that take our kid's imaginations to faraway places.  

When he has the day off, he asks us what would make the day fun for us, leading us in a self-sacrificing attitude.  This kind of man showing this kind of love makes submission a light burden and being a wife a joy.

This morning he took the time to lovingly, biblically discipline our boys, even though it was Sunday morning and he was preparing to baptize, preach, and lead in the Lord's Supper.  He came home before evening services just to say hi and tell us that he missed us while he was at the church preparing.  And then, after we got the kids to bed tonight, when I came out to the family room to sit and relax with him, he had HGTV on and waiting.  What more could I ask for?  

Coming up this week: some thoughts on Mommy quiet time (thanks, everybody for your input!).  Now I'm off to try that sleeping thing again...

A bit of a crazy week

So we have VBS this week at church so I won't be posting much.  But please stop by and comment on the quiet time post.  Post coming about that soon!

And the hair bow winner is...

Melanie at Whimsical Creations.

Congratulations!  Wasn't that fun?

Check out Melanie's etsy shop.

Hair bow giveaway

There is a really fun giveaway carnival going on at Bloggy Giveaways.

I make hair bows for my girl's hair, and I would love to give away two hair bows (styled like the bows pictured above) to a reader.

All you need to do is leave a comment with contact information.  Please let me know what ribbons you would like. (See below for three more choices.)  The hair bows are on alligator clips.  I will draw numbers to choose the winner. (U.S. only, please!)  

Have fun checking out the other great giveaways!