Sunday, November 18, 2007
Update
As a follow up to my last post, my anxiety did not immediately reside as soon as I started to pray and to try and trust God! Wouldn't that be great? But growing is a process, and our faith takes time to grow and our pride takes lots of time, effort, and trust in God to slowly begin to die. I can grow in humility before the Lord, but I won't ever reach full humility and trust this side of heaven. But I have hope in Christ, and one glad morning when this life if over, I'll fly away- oh Glory!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Out of control
We are 90% unpacked. The last ten percent feels like it is going to kill me! I have found myself fighting feeling overwhelmed and very anxious. I have a lump in my throat most of the time- there is always several things that need to be done that I can't get to. I do not enjoy that feeling.
At first glance it would appear that the simple solution to my anxiety would be to just get the job done- finish unpacking and peace will come. I keep thinking that if I could only unpack those last few boxes, everything will be okay and my heart will stop feeling so heavy. But I am wrong in this assumption.
The root of my problem is not unpacked boxes, my problem is my pride. What I mean is that I need things to go my way on my time schedule in order for me to be happy and have peace. I need my house to be the way I want it to be or I am anxious and worried. In order for me to stop sighing and smile, I have to have x number of things scratched off my to do list.
This is in direct opposition to what God has said is the way I should respond. He says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Or how about when Jesus said, "Do not be anxious for your life...which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span"?
When I have been assuming is that I know what will make me happy. I know what is good for me. I know what makes my day go well. When things don't go according to my plan I get angry or worried or feel panicky. This is the opposite of trusting God, of abiding in Christ, of allowing God to control my day and to define what is good for me.
This move has been our hardest yet. I know there have been a lot things that have made it harder- having a newborn, buying an older house that has not immediately 'worked' (no washer/dryer hookups, few closets, no pantry...), having work done right away (washer hookups, etc) Scott was out of town for a week right after we moved, etc. But if God is good, and he plans my days and my every circumstance, then all these difficulties have been good and have been for his glory.
If I really believe Romans 8:28, "For God works all things together for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose," then I will act like it! I will accept with joy whatever the day brings, because it is brought from God, who loves me and demonstrated his great love in the most magnificent way imaginable. ("But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.") Of course, I can't do this on my own, but God is a very present help and his grace is sufficient for me. It doesn't get a lot better than that.
At first glance it would appear that the simple solution to my anxiety would be to just get the job done- finish unpacking and peace will come. I keep thinking that if I could only unpack those last few boxes, everything will be okay and my heart will stop feeling so heavy. But I am wrong in this assumption.
The root of my problem is not unpacked boxes, my problem is my pride. What I mean is that I need things to go my way on my time schedule in order for me to be happy and have peace. I need my house to be the way I want it to be or I am anxious and worried. In order for me to stop sighing and smile, I have to have x number of things scratched off my to do list.
This is in direct opposition to what God has said is the way I should respond. He says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Or how about when Jesus said, "Do not be anxious for your life...which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span"?
When I have been assuming is that I know what will make me happy. I know what is good for me. I know what makes my day go well. When things don't go according to my plan I get angry or worried or feel panicky. This is the opposite of trusting God, of abiding in Christ, of allowing God to control my day and to define what is good for me.
This move has been our hardest yet. I know there have been a lot things that have made it harder- having a newborn, buying an older house that has not immediately 'worked' (no washer/dryer hookups, few closets, no pantry...), having work done right away (washer hookups, etc) Scott was out of town for a week right after we moved, etc. But if God is good, and he plans my days and my every circumstance, then all these difficulties have been good and have been for his glory.
If I really believe Romans 8:28, "For God works all things together for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose," then I will act like it! I will accept with joy whatever the day brings, because it is brought from God, who loves me and demonstrated his great love in the most magnificent way imaginable. ("But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.") Of course, I can't do this on my own, but God is a very present help and his grace is sufficient for me. It doesn't get a lot better than that.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
In our new house
Well, we are settling into our new, old house. Scott's job moved us a couple of hours east, and we bought an old farm house. Scott's new job will allow him more time for school, which he hopes to continue online as well as driving back to campus.
The house is proving to be interesting, but we are not surprised given it is almost (we think) 80 years old. The kids are loving having a lot of space, and it is fun to go outside and play with them. We liked our apartment on campus, but we were very quickly running out of room (we had 1000 square feet), especially after Caroline was born. Now we have more space inside and out, which we really needed. Of course, because our home is so old, we lost some closet and storage space but I am trying to be creative with where to put things!
I hope to write more as we get settled, and to post more pictures of the kids. Check back soon!
The house is proving to be interesting, but we are not surprised given it is almost (we think) 80 years old. The kids are loving having a lot of space, and it is fun to go outside and play with them. We liked our apartment on campus, but we were very quickly running out of room (we had 1000 square feet), especially after Caroline was born. Now we have more space inside and out, which we really needed. Of course, because our home is so old, we lost some closet and storage space but I am trying to be creative with where to put things!
I hope to write more as we get settled, and to post more pictures of the kids. Check back soon!
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