Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Out of control

We are 90% unpacked. The last ten percent feels like it is going to kill me! I have found myself fighting feeling overwhelmed and very anxious. I have a lump in my throat most of the time- there is always several things that need to be done that I can't get to. I do not enjoy that feeling.

At first glance it would appear that the simple solution to my anxiety would be to just get the job done- finish unpacking and peace will come. I keep thinking that if I could only unpack those last few boxes, everything will be okay and my heart will stop feeling so heavy. But I am wrong in this assumption.

The root of my problem is not unpacked boxes, my problem is my pride. What I mean is that I need things to go my way on my time schedule in order for me to be happy and have peace. I need my house to be the way I want it to be or I am anxious and worried. In order for me to stop sighing and smile, I have to have x number of things scratched off my to do list.

This is in direct opposition to what God has said is the way I should respond. He says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Or how about when Jesus said, "Do not be anxious for your life...which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span"?

When I have been assuming is that I know what will make me happy. I know what is good for me. I know what makes my day go well. When things don't go according to my plan I get angry or worried or feel panicky. This is the opposite of trusting God, of abiding in Christ, of allowing God to control my day and to define what is good for me.

This move has been our hardest yet. I know there have been a lot things that have made it harder- having a newborn, buying an older house that has not immediately 'worked' (no washer/dryer hookups, few closets, no pantry...), having work done right away (washer hookups, etc) Scott was out of town for a week right after we moved, etc. But if God is good, and he plans my days and my every circumstance, then all these difficulties have been good and have been for his glory.

If I really believe Romans 8:28, "For God works all things together for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose," then I will act like it! I will accept with joy whatever the day brings, because it is brought from God, who loves me and demonstrated his great love in the most magnificent way imaginable. ("But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.") Of course, I can't do this on my own, but God is a very present help and his grace is sufficient for me. It doesn't get a lot better than that.


renata said...

Thanks Tami,
I needed to hear that. God wanted to spared me from cleaning the bathroom this evening :-)

renata said...

Oops, I meant God spared me from cleaning... I suppose He wanted that tool

renata said...

I mean too!